{"_id":"683480a3f9241b7cb814d3f3","title":"{\"ops\":[{\"insert\":\"How should I deal with my husband and mother-in-law's emotional enmeshment?\\n\"}]}","question":"{\"ops\":[{\"insert\":\"I’m struggling with what I believe to be an emotionally unhealthy attachment between my husband and his mother. From the beginning of our marriage, I’ve noticed behaviors that feel inappropriate or overly dependent, but I’ve always been dismissed when trying to express my discomfort. Recently, I came across the concept of emotional enmeshment between parents and children, and it described our situation exactly. I believe my husband is unknowingly carrying emotional burdens from his childhood and prioritizing his mother’s needs in a way that harms our marriage.\\n\\nI want to support him in healing while maintaining my own boundaries, but I don’t know how to move forward without causing conflict or hurt. What should I do? Are there any duʿāʾs I can make for his healing and ours?\\n\"}]}","answer":"{\"ops\":[{\"insert\":\"Dear sister, may Allah reward you for your sincerity and the emotional strength it takes to bring this to light. It’s clear that you are navigating something deeply painful, and I pray that Allah grants you clarity, healing, and ease. The fact that you’ve turned to Him in duʿāʾ, in your prayers, and even in your solitude is a sign of your sincerity and closeness to Him. Never underestimate the value of your tears and your longing for peace.\\n\\nFrom what you’ve described, this does sound like an emotionally enmeshed relationship, where the natural boundaries between parent and child have been blurred. While love and kindness toward one's mother is a virtue in Islam, emotional reliance, excessive intimacy, and displaced roles can become harmful, especially after marriage. In Islam, the rights of the wife are weighty and must be upheld. A man’s emotional priority after marriage shifts to his wife; if that shift doesn’t occur, the marriage suffers, and the wife feels secondary in a relationship where she was meant to be centered.\\n\\nYou are not wrong to feel distressed. When you sense something unhealthy, even if others don’t see it, it matters. Sometimes, we see what others do not. This does not make you difficult, it means you’re awake and sensitive to your own emotional needs. And Allah does not ask us to suppress those needs in the name of patience or piety.\\n\\nIt’s also very important to understand that emotional enmeshment can be the result of a parent’s unresolved trauma, and a child (now adult) who was never allowed to develop his own sense of emotional independence. It’s often unintentional, but that doesn’t make it any less real or painful. Your husband may be unaware of the full impact, and so his healing must begin with gentle awareness and the right guidance.\\n\\nMy advice to you and your husband is to seek professional therapy (individually and as a couple) with someone familiar with family enmeshment, religious values, and cultural dynamics. This is not something you can untangle on your own.\\n\\nAs for the mother, you are right that she may not change, especially with age. But healing can still happen if your husband begins to recognize the pattern, and if he is supported in shifting toward a more balanced and Islamically sound way of honoring both his mother and his wife—without confusing the roles of each.\\n\\nYou asked for dua. One simple but powerful dua is:\\n\"},{\"attributes\":{\"italic\":true,\"bold\":true},\"insert\":\"اللهم أصلح لي شأني كله، ولا تكلني إلى نفسي طرفة عين\"},{\"insert\":\"\\n\"},{\"attributes\":{\"italic\":true,\"bold\":true},\"insert\":\"“O Allah, set all my affairs right for me, and do not leave me to myself for even the blink of an eye.”\"},{\"insert\":\"\\n\\nRecite Sūrat al-Fātiḥah regularly with the intention of healing and seeking clarity. Ask Allah to illuminate what is hidden, to guide your husband toward maturity, and to open the doors of peace for your marriage.\\n\\nLastly, please remember: your pain is valid. You are not crazy, jealous, or arrogant for feeling this way. Boundaries are not selfish. They are healthy. And Islam does not require you to deny your emotional well-being in order to maintain harmony with others. True harmony comes through truth, healing, and justice.\\n\\nMay Allah soften hearts, guide your husband to healing, and grant you both a marriage full of mercy and understanding. Āmīn.\\n\"}]}","tags":[{"_id":"668da0010b76658b4c232b9d","tag":"Relationships: Parent and Child","count":111},{"_id":"668d9fe10b76658b4c2327dc","tag":"Marriage: Other","count":62},{"_id":"668d9ffb0b76658b4c232ade","tag":"Marriage: Roles and Responsibilities","count":56},{"_id":"668da0150b76658b4c232daf","tag":"Relationships: Spouse","count":42},{"_id":"668d9fde0b76658b4c23278c","tag":"Relationships: In-Laws","count":11}],"createdOn":"2025-05-26T14:54:27.020Z"}